I have discovered a treasure-trove. Not only do I have Howard's journals in which she has written practically every thought she ever had, but I found cassette tape recordings we did together back in 1981, a time when we were still playing our guitars (and I mandolin as well) and singing together. There it is, our voices in vibrant harmony, just as has been our life together. And in listening to these, I began to really experience the magnitude of my loss and the tears began to flow again.
But even though tears are the manifestation of a heart broken, they are cleansing, too, keeping a being from exploding all at once. They've been coming in phases, first during the accepting that Howard was going to die, then just after her dying, then whenever something so-very-Howard would meet me face to face, and now in my fully allowing myself to comprehend how huge is my loss.
There is comfort, though, in having her own words written by her own hand and hearing her own voice during a time before she became ill. And these is peace within the grieving, knowing the suffering is over.
So I am okay. There is healing in the tears as well.
Have a happy Friday,
Dianne
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment
Although I probably can't reply to your comments, we always love hearing from you. If you don't have a blog account, just click "Anonymous" in the "Profile" window.