Last night Maggie and I spent our first night alone in the house and I think we did remarkably well. Oddly, it was the first time since Howard's death that I noticed there was no oxygen concentrator purring and pulsing. That sound had become so much a part of our environment that it was like an engine that kept everything moving at a steady pace. While Bill and Vickie were here, I had not become aware of its absence.
Early on in our time with hospice, I began to listen to the teachings of Tara Brach downloaded from podcasts of her weekly talks. One thing I learned was to focus on the sounds around me whenever my head became inundated with rushing random thoughts. Doing that, the chatter in my head calmed down and I was able to be in touch with the moment, settle down and fall asleep.
Naturally, when my head hit the pillow last night, there thoughts began to race, threatening to entrap any rest during the night, so I automatically began listening. That's when I noticed the how really quiet our house is now, but it is a peaceful quiet and by listening to the peacefulness, I was able to fall asleep.
Enjoy this first day of February,
Dianne
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dianne, been out of town at a workshop this past week.. you know you were on my mind.. sorry to hear of howards passing.. but so glad she is at peace..
ReplyDeleteglad to hear you are finding your way and looking to see the positive that surrounds us.. including sounds.. :)
take care.. and thanks again for sharing your compassion and thoughtful ways.. they will be with me for a long time!!
Rest, relax, do absolutely nothing. You've earned this time to now focus on your own healing - don't short yourself because people around you think you need company. I've noticed many folks don't understand that being alone, all alone and quiet, is a gift at moments when the heart is heavy. thake this time for you.
ReplyDeleteAnd call me at work if you want some great veggie pizza from a place near my office. I'll drop one off one night on the way home. :-) 770-531-3135 or cell is 706-499-7091. I leave Gville at 6:30 most days.
Rose
Dianne, I continue to THANK YOU for sharing this most private and emotional time of your life. Your openess has been a gift....you have allowed us to share and grieve with you. What a process it has been! I am so grateful for the peace you are experiencing. God bless you....I continue to keep you in my prayers. Much love, Janie O
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